Sun Family in Spain

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it feels like to not be on guard all the time. In the US I have been trained to grab my keys and hold them between my fingers before I leave to go to my car. You are conditioned to be vigilant of people around you and be aware of danger. Always park under a street light, check your back seat before you get in the car, lock your doors as soon as you get in.

 I was telling Sol about what you do as a woman to protect yourself and he told me I should teach classes, I had to tell him all women do these things. This isn’t special or paranoia, it is survival. He doesn’t really understand what it means to have 1 in 4 women sexually assaulted in the US and those numbers are probably low.  He doesn’t know that as a young woman you get harassed at a bar regularly. He has no idea how often someone to calls you a F*****g B**** when you don’t accept their offer of a drink, to dance or to go home with them. We all bristled when the officer who shot Nicole Good calling her a f*****g b**** after shooting her, we could all feel that rage being directed at us. 

In Spain there are very few guns. There isn’t a lot of violent crime. There is a lot of petty theft and property theft, there are organized crime groups that run drugs and occasionally shoot someone in a rival gang they are targeting. Spain is not immune from separatist violence and has also experienced some terrorism, but violence is rare and people are not desensitized to it. 

I remember living in Japan in my 20s and the feeling of safety and freedom that gave me.  I am experiencing that again now.  I saw a woman chew out a guy on the street with no fear that he might hit her or worse. We aren’t waking up daily to news of another school or workplace shooting. The only guns here are hunting rifles and you need a background check, you have to have a license showing you know how to use your gun, you need a medical and psychological exam before you can buy a gun. 

I am starting to deprogram from hearing about shootings every day. We have been here almost half a year and I have read about three shootings in the whole country. There were probably three shootings in my neighborhood back home last week.  

Every day I am starting to feel the tension in my shoulders loosen a little.  I no longer grab for my keys before leaving a shop or restaurant. I am not checking over my shoulder.  I don’t worry too much about walking too close to people because they are not afraid of me or others. Little by little my brain is reprogramming itself to feel safe.